Deliberacy

A prayer for those suffering in Mumbai & everywhere

Dear Lord, make me an instument of they peace…
where there is hatered, let me sow love,
where there is injury, may I bring the spirit of forgiveness,
where there is doubt, may I bring faith,
where there is despair, may I bring hope,
where there is darkness, may I bring  light,
And where there is sorrow, may I bring joy.

You are zen pouting, amber lapsang souchong splashing porcelain cups of brilliance. Steel hard sea-green wells to the soul. Pain encapsulated bliss. You are science, pulsing great discoveries defrauding plutonian physics’ artless march. Hesitant fish in any pond, coaxing schools away from CCTV. Tangle in my hair. You are clean lines on powder, passionate subtlety ardently constant. Juicy hips wrestling scowls. Paradigm of paradox. You are cat, walking by itself with agonizing regularity. Ice cream’s sticky sweet drips running down my chin. Marmalade on my thighs. You are zen laughter, levitating union beyond maggots decomposing reality. A spot in the otherwise spotless periphery. Infinite sky.

I think it’s very safe to say that the last year, or hard as it is to believe–pushing two years, of my life have been an almost constant lesson in following your leadings. Or if you will, going where you’re led.

Sometimes these choices have come easily to me. From my early teens I knew I wanted to be a mother. When the time was finally right, I jumped in feet first without the slightest glance backward. In fact, I rarely shy away from a leading that involves effort for someone else. But leadings that nurtured myself were/are an entirely different matter. In many ways, my strange journey of the last 18 months has been about discovering who the grown-up Rebecca is; the individual beyond the boys mom, Scott’s partner, Carl and Margie’s daughter.

It’s been about fighting demons like external validation and self-doubt. It’s been about finding faith in myself. It’s been about embracing the courage to follow whatever path seems best for me–even when other folks think I’m mad. It’s been a lesson in preparing for changes that I don’t understand. It’s been a chance to return to the childlike belief that I am special, gifted and unique and that accepting these things about myself does not make me vain or arrogant–I ‘ve always understood that the rest of you were special, gifted and unique.

So where’s all this leading? (lousy pun, yeah?)  After a great deal of weighing the pros and cons, agonizing, pure thrills of excitement and vindication, doubting and second guessing–I’ve decided to take the plunge.

I’m gonna publish Candy Land through EWNbooks. (That’s me and Scott, if you’re wondering)

There I said it. I even managed to keep words like “try” and “probably” out of it. Not sure how long it will take. Not sure what it really will mean. But I certainly will need as much help as I can get to market the thing.

And by the way–I have a new theme song. Here it is:

Alla This (click here to hear/see)

I will not stand immersed,
in this ultra violent curse
i won’t let you make a tool of me
i will keep my mind and body free
bye bye minutiae
of the day to day drama,
i’m expanding exponentially,
i am consciousness without identity

i am many things,
made of everything,
but i will not be your bank roll
i won’t idle in your drive-thru,
i won’t watch your electric sideshow
i got way better places to go

i will maintain the truth
i knew naturally as a child
i won’t forfeit my creativity,
to a world that’s all laid out for me
i will look at everything around me
and i will vow to bear in mind
that all of this was just someone’s idea
it could just as well be mine

i won’t rent you my time
i won’t sell you my brain
i won’t pray to a male god
cuz that would be insane

and i can’t support the troops,
cuz every last one of them’s being duped,
and i will not rest a wink
until the women have regrouped

i am many things,
made of everything,
but i will not be your bank roll
i won’t idle in your drive-thru
i won’t watch your electric sideshow
i got way
better places to go.

© ani difranco / righteous babe music

America spoke yesterday. Or perhaps I should rephrase–America yelled yesterday.  And the cry wasn’t one of anger. Or of fear. Or bitterness.

America yelled hurray! We turned our backs on fear-mongering, on war-hawking and on intolerance, if only for a single day and cried out for joy and hope. Here’s to a brighter future. Here’s to a heart-felt wish that Barack Obama is the gifted, visionary statesman our country has long needed. Here’s to our Founding Fathers and their belief that the masses can make the right decisions if you let them. And here’s to all of you who stood up and yelled that the America of the first 8 years of the new millenia was not the kind of America you wanted to be part of.

Cheers!!